like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
