The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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