I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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