Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
