I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize