ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize