And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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