I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
