i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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