dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize