You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
