i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
