forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
