please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you win again, gameday.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize