***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
