if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize