I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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