so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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