what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
