you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
