we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
