Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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