i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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