Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(603): View more from New Hampshire

Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

No...more like a life jacket.

Fav 8 1921 958
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?

Fav 20 7027 909
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(678): View more from Georgia

Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.

Fav 32 1624 6514
share tweet
(803): View more from South Carolina

I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.

Fav 14 4257 2150
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(336): View more from North Carolina

I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.

Fav 10 4208 1132
share tweet
(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?

Fav 3 614 778
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(540): View more from Virginia

that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic

Fav 2 870 550
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700

(1-832): View more from Houston, Texas

Why are you like this.

Fav 5 90 17
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(801): View more from Utah

She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"

Fav 0 13 40
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT