I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
We have so much sex to catch up on
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...