He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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