its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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