I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
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