My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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