You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
