It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I came so hard my ears popped.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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