1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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