You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
