i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
