Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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