Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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