i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I need to stop coming to work sober
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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