No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
