Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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