It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
