im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
