So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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