You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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