I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
