Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
