you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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