seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
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Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
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You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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