She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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