forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
