Yo dont text me then not text me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
