for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
