i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
