somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
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Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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