I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
