life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
