i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
