Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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