I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
