dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
