Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
