You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
