Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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